I’m staying at my dad’s place while the exterminators attempt to clear my apartment of its bed bugs. They say my roommate and I should be able to move back in by Saturday afternoon at the latest. We had to vacate Tuesday night and the exterminators were giving us trouble about when they wanted to come in (they tried to wait until Thursday at 9am!), but my roommate is awesome and totally yelled at them until they agreed to be there by 6pm Wednesday. Really, how long did they expect us to evacuate? Have some consideration, sheesh.
My dad agreed to drive me to and from work so I wouldn’t have to take most of the week off, for which I am very grateful. Of course, he lives an hour away, which means I have to get up at 5:30 and we have to leave by 7 in order to avoid traffic into town, but it’s tolerable. I mean, he doesn’t have Internet at his house anyway, so I’ve been trying to spend as much time as I can at the library. I asked him not to pick me up until 9pm tonight because it’s going to be the weekend after work and damn it, I want to go online.
It’s a really good thing his work hours are flexible, or I would probably have to get to work at 7 every day. Although I used to have to do it most days in high school, waking up at 4am is so not my thing.
I’ve been taking voice lessons once a week for the past year, but a couple weeks ago I decided I wanted to “take a break”–indefinitely. It’s not worth the money to me anymore.
I had my last lesson yesterday and I’m performing in the upcoming recital on 3 June, then I’m out. I’m singing Time For Me to Fly by REO Speedwagon for the recital and I feel like I shouldn’t have chosen it because it reminds me of my parents’ divorce (my parents got divorced about a year and a half ago and their relationship has been bad my whole life). My teacher was always telling me to put more emotion into the song and not just sing the lyrics/melody. “Put some soul into it”, she would say. “Think about where you can add your own inflection.”
Yesterday, each run-through of the song was boring and dimensionless, I could tell. She was always telling me to “think about your story” and how certain thoughts and events match to the lyrics of the song. I guess I was scared of unleashing the necessary feelings. Like some kind of monster, eh? (Some Kind of Monster… cool name for a band. Also a Metallica documentary, apparently, as Google just told me.)
I don’t know why, maybe because I wanted to have at least one good run-through before Sunday’s performance, but during the song’s introduction during our final run-through at yesterday’s lesson, I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and made myself think about my parents’ divorce. It wasn’t hard to recall the memories, the pain, everything (my mom not being happy that I’m staying with my dad this week probably helped…). I almost cried during that performance. It was honestly hard for me to fight back tears. And then, in the back of my mind: “This had better be emotional enough. If it’s not, then that’s it, I’m not cut out to be a singer.”
Well, songs don’t last forever, and the merciful end finally came. My teacher said it was “the best yet”. She seemed really impressed. I can’t believe I have to do that all over again on Sunday. I’m scared I will actually start crying. I have even more respect now for artists who go up on stage every night and sing about things like this. Like Avenged Sevenfold singing about their dead best friend.