The other day, I was visiting my university housing website to see what was for dinner when I came across a “Help Wanted” link. I clicked it and started scrolling through the posts, curious if there was anything interesting. About halfway through the IT listings, I stopped. “What am I doing? I like my job.” Then, “Wait, since when did I like my job?”
I do, I like my job (I do web development for my uni’s College of Engineering). It has its days, but as a whole, I enjoy it. I used to feel absolutely miserable when I was there. I don’t know what changed, but I’m happy about it. 🙂 Maybe my depression is settling down! Or maybe having a crush on a boy (shhh, haha) is just making me all-around happier. Maybe that’s what’s helping my depression!
Crushonboyplexine, the new, super-effective anti-depressant.
I’ve never taken anti-depressants, but I used to go to therapy for depression (I stopped when I had issues with my insurance). Georgina taking them has made me wonder whether I should be on them too. I really do think I’m improving, or at least that my depression is in somewhat of a state of remission (meaning it could come back; chemical imbalances don’t go away just like that), but I think they would have been beneficial for me in the past.
I say I’m better, but that doesn’t mean everything is completely gone. Just last week I tried to cut myself in the bathroom with a pencil. (That went well. xD)
This is the email I sent Georgina that day:
Basically I hate myself and I want to die.
Thank God for supportive friends. That, and naps. Naps are amazing. Sometimes when I’m feeling upset I just lie down, forget the world for a few hours, and when I wake up it’s like I’m a whole new person.
I wonder if that’s entirely healthy. 😛
I’m not really sure why I’m writing about this, to be honest. My depression isn’t usually something I share with the world. My feelings aren’t even something I usually share with the world, unless they’re happy ones. Maybe being more open about it is somehow a sign of improvement, too. I really don’t know, yo.
I should head off to sleep. I want to get up early and put in an eight-hour day at work tomorrow, since classes are over for the semester (just two more exams to go!) and they’re turning the power off in my dorm starting at 8am, anyway. (They have to fix something that malfunctioned on Monday and caused a whole bunch of buildings to lose power.) Actually wanting to go to work for eight hours in a day… wow. :’)
(So many parentheticals.)