On Sunday, I had a 12-miler on the schedule. So I did it. It sucked and I didn’t want to go. I spent about three hours longer in bed than planned trying to get myself to go.

On Monday and Tuesday, I had people to run with and I looked forward to those runs. Even though Tuesday was a tough track workout that I totally bombed. In the bad way.

Yesterday–Wednesday–was a by-myself day. Seven miles planned. I didn’t want to run, so I didn’t. I took a rest day and it felt pretty good.

This morning I let myself sleep in instead of running and going to the gym before work, but I had to start work early today so whatever. After work I was exhausted and did not want to run. So I took a 2.5-hour nap. Then I got up and I fucking ran. It hurt. It sucked. It was terrible. I stopped twice during the first half. I was confused. I’m still confused.

I had scary thoughts during my run. Things like, “I should stop eating.” I actually said that to myself. Of course, I immediately replied with a “What the fuck?!” and a “How would that help anything?” But still. Not good.

I’m feeling better now. One bad run does not mean anything. I think it was more mentally bad than physically. I need to work on overcoming my mind. I also need to go to bed so I can get up early and go to the gym before work. Because a strong body makes a strong runner and I need to feel strong right now.

Hey look, a smile! What a difference from the crying I did when I got home.

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So I guess you might say I’m a pretty confident person. That, or I don’t care what other people think. Maybe a little of both. I think part of confidence is not caring what people think and part of it is all about caring what people think.

Sometimes I care and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’ll go out in sweats and wish I could disappear. Sometimes I’ll go out in sweats and completely forget that I might be wearing anything worthy of judgment. Not like I judge people who wear sweats. I couldn’t care less. But sometimes when I wear them, I feel sloppy and like I have dressed sub-par. Whatever.

I have always liked strength training and I used to train with machines and light dumbbells (nothing over 12.5lb) a few times a week, but around the end of last year I started getting interested in doing more free-weight training (dumbbells and barbells) and lifting heavier. I wanted to start so badly, but I was afraid to walk into the free-weight room at my gym.

The weight room with the machines was no big deal. There are girls in there all the time. No problem just walking in. The free-weight room, however… I guess it took me a couple months to get my butt in there.

The weight room at my gym is like the Guy Zone. Occasionally I’ll see another girl there, but usually it’s just males males males. I was terrified of walking in and being judged. I was scared to feel embarrassed and to feel like people were looking at me, even though in reality everyone is so focused on their own workouts at the gym that no one really even knows what the people around them are doing.

The weight room at my gym is divided into two sections: a smaller room with racks of dumbbells, some benches, and an EZ bar rack; and a bigger room with everything else (a squat rack, power cages, Smith machine, you name it). The first time I got up the courage, I entered the dumbbell room. I had been lying awake the night before too distracted to fall asleep because I was dreaming up a workout surrounding dumbbell bench press. I was so excited. I was finally excited enough that I was willing to face my fear.

I went in the room, but all the benches were taken and I didn’t know anything about Waiting for a Bench Etiquette (hint: there is none, just stand and wait or come back later), so I walked out with a pair of 15s and did my very first bench press lying on a stability ball in the exercise room across the hall.

The crowdedness made me scared to go back, so the next time I wanted to use the room, I brought a friend with me. A friend who knew less than me about the gym. So I had to take charge and be the one who knew her way around the place. I think being put in that role really helped me, because ever since then I have completely had the confidence to stroll into that weight room (yes, even the big one) and knock out my sets like a motherfucking boss.

Face your fears, ladies and gents. Because they’re probably irrational. And you’ll probably net some more confidence in the process. Go for it.

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While on the recumbent, there was a girl working out on the same kind of bike to my right. I caught her looking at my screen at least once, but that’s okay because I was doing the same thing. Honestly it doesn’t bother me when people do that even though I know everyone complains about it.

Anyway, according to the little chart on the bike, 65% of the maximum heart rate for a general 20-year-old is about 135 and 80% is around 160, if I’m remembering correctly. It claims 65% is the “fat burning zone” and 80% is the “cardio zone.”

The girl to my right had her bike set to “manual” and was chugging along at level 1. Her RPM (rotations per minute) was between 80 and 90 whenever I happened to glance over, and when she checked her heart rate it tended to be around 150.

I was doing a hill program, which meant there were lots of segments of high resistance, and I had the base level set at 5 for the first half, 6 for the second. My RPM was like 85-95 and my heart rate never got above 125. It sat around 111 most of the time.

I’m not trying to show off by saying my endurance must be better, or whatever. I honestly felt a little annoyed that my heart rate was so low. There I was spending an hour and a half trying to get a good cardiovascular workout in and apparently my heart was chilling out like it was no big thing.

I don’t know how high my heart rate gets when I run, but I wish there was a better way to approximate my running workouts. Swimming is supposed to be pretty good, but right now I can’t swim for extended periods of time because my breathing is so inadequate. I think I’m going to try swimming every day this coming week to see if I can improve with more practice. I haven’t swum in at least three weeks.

Or maybe every other day. Every day sounds like a lot…

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I’ve been curious about these bars for a while, so I picked up a NuGO Organic Bar in Double Dark Chocolate.

The basics: vegan, organic, 10g of protein, contains antioxidants

The wrapper suggests that other protein bars taste too sweet and that this bar’s “real” dark chocolate is superior. I love sweets and have never had an issue with a bar tasting too sweet, nor have I had a dark chocolate nutrition/protein bar before. I didn’t think this bar tasted any less sweet than I’m used to and on top of that, it tasted sweeter than I like dark chocolate to taste. When I buy plain dark chocolate, I go for at least 72% cacao, but obviously I can’t choose when it’s part of a bar like this.

Tasting sweet is so not a problem though with my sweet tooth. Overall the bar tasted very chocolatey and delicious.

One thing that surprised me was the texture of the bar. I expected it to be more chewy than it was. Most bars with interiors made of rice crisps tend to be relatively bendy and/or chewy, but this one, while not crunchy, was firmer than I had expected. Not a bad thing, just different.

The wrapper implies that it’s a protein bar by saying “other” protein bars are too sweet, but its 10g of protein are fairly modest and I wouldn’t call it a protein bar based on that amount. Not that 10g isn’t a fair amount, but I wouldn’t go post-workout on this bar.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised to have enjoyed it so much and I might pick up one of these again sometime.

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Buuuut I also feel like I eat an absurd amount for breakfast. Okay, I don’t honestly eat that much for breakfast, but it’s more than some people and I do wonder.

Like, I saw my friend eat just a banana and a little 130-cal energy bar before his 12-mile run on Saturday. By the time I left to run ten miles on Sunday, I had already eaten two slices of toast with peanut butter, a banana, and a Clif bar. Granted, he ran half an hour after waking up and I woke up three hours before my run.

I guess I just really hate feeling hungry? But I don’t know whether he was hungry after that little breakfast. Maybe he wasn’t. I don’t even know. It amazes me.

Do you normally eat breakfast? How much? Am I strange? My skating coaches used to tell my mom I needed to be eating more for breakfast, e.g. add some peanut butter toast on the side of my cereal and milk…

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The friend hosting the group had picked up a dozen doughnuts last night for us all to share after running.

I had not eaten a doughnut since August.

I had a glazed one.

I swear it was the best doughnut I have ever had in my life. IN MY LIFE.

Then I came home and had a grilled cheese sandwich. And a protein bar.

But guys. That doughnut.

I was in heaven.

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I think it’s because I ran 16 miles over the course of the last two days. My body is still catching up.

I forget sometimes that my body doesn’t know the difference between weeks. My mind knows that Sunday is the end of one running week and Monday is the beginning of the next, but my body doesn’t know that Monday’s 8 miles counted for this week and Sunday’s 9 counted for last. It just thinks, “What are you doing running 8 miles today???”

In retrospect it was a stupid idea and I won’t be doing that again any time soon. Honor the rest days, Rachel. Honor them.

I think I’m finally done eating.

Remember when Tumblr was new and I made an account? Summer 2008? No?

Well I made another one (my first was deleted long ago). Follow me if you so choose. I mostly post about running. Big surprise there.

It’s warm and it’s raining and I want to go run. Rest day rest day rest day HONOR IT. Seriously.

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From the website:

The latest edition of our flagship shoe arrives with a fit and ride even more attuned to the needs of runners seeking stability in an everyday training shoe. A new sole unit features triangular IBR+ pads integrated with deeper grooves in the forefoot for better flexibility and responsiveness. Three independently responsive pods in the SRC crashpad provide a smooth, efficient transition onto the midfoot, while a midfoot saddle promotes a snug, secure fit in the upper. Weight: 8.9oz.

First Impressions

My first impression when I laced up the shoe was that it had less support than what I’m in currently, the Nike Zoom Structure 15. My arch did not feel like it was being held up as high. However, this also meant that I didn’t feel like my foot was being kept to the outside as much, which I liked because that has been a point of contention for me with my current shoe.

I also noticed that the toe box is a bit narrower than my current shoe. This makes me wonder whether high mileage in the shoes would lead to black toenails like the issue I had with my previous shoes.

On the Road

I took the shoes out for a 4.1-mile run, which dispelled all my concerns. I did not notice any issues with lack of support and my toes felt perfectly comfortable. I also noticed that the shoes felt much lighter on my feet than my current pair, which was definitely a plus. As it turns out, the Guide 6 is approximately two ounces (57 grams) lighter than my current Structures. Stability shoes can feel bulky, but these did not.

After the Run and Final Thoughts

After running, I noticed the heel cushioning. It seemed like the structure of the heel support caused me to feel like my foot was rolling in a bit when I was standing flat. Because I am a mid-to-forefoot striker, the heel did not bother me while I was running, but I think a heel striker who also over-pronates might find the support lacking.

Overall, I was impressed with the shoe. It was light and streamlined for a stability shoe without sacrificing the support I needed. However, I would be curious to see how my feet and body would fare after, say, a 25-mile week in the shoes because four miles can only scratch the surface.

When it comes time to replace my shoes (and I am very eagerly awaiting that time because I do not like my current pair), I will definitely consider the Saucony Guide 6.

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Not that I’m complaining. I take it as a personal badge of honor. I adore muscle soreness because it means I am getting stronger, so I must be doing something right. People complain about DOMS–delayed-onset muscle soreness–but I seriously love it. I love the feeling of waking up sore in the morning after a hard workout the day before. There’s nothing like that little confirmation that what I’m doing is paying off.

Muscle soreness? Good. Blisters and crap like that? Go fuck yourself. Seriously.

I tried taekwondo Friday night for the first time. You do taekwondo barefoot and slide around on the floor a lot, which, I’ll admit, is painful to not-yet-callused feet. The wooden floor surface, dance studio style, was especially grueling.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t had to run eight miles the next day. I don’t know. But I had to run eight miles the next day. So I did. Holy hell. When I got home, the bottoms of my feet hurt so bad that I could barely walk for an hour or more. I run on the balls of my feet. I also killed the balls of my feet Friday night. Much of the run was spent NOT on the balls of my feet. Inefficient running, slower and more tired than usual, blisters blisters blisters, and one not-happy Rachel.

When I got home I swore I would never do taekwondo again.

I’ve thought more since then. One of my blisters popped, making it a lot less painful. I will see how running goes Monday. Taekwondo on Friday was a lot of fun and everyone I met was far nicer than I had expected. I do want to go back, but running is my number one priority, so we’ll see. Maybe I’ll find the patience to wait for calluses to form.

Anyway, I learned some stances and worked on roundhouse kicks. I struggled, but felt like a badass. I’ve never done a martial art before. Wouldn’t it be fun to get at least a yellow belt?

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I’ve had the phone for a week now and I still can’t believe that 1) she’s mine and 2) she can actually do all the shit she can do. Like, I grab my phone and listen to music, take decent-quality pictures, browse the Internet… and every so often it will strike me that I am doing these things with a PHONE. Last night: “I can’t believe this is a phone and that it’s mine.” Obviously she’s my first smartphone. Barring any unfortunate accidents, I’ll have her for quite a bit longer. A matter of several years, I hope.

I used to hate Instagram. Look how quickly I’ve become a convert. You can find me at rachmleg. I need to follow more people so hit me uppp. Shameless food-poster and filter-user right here.

My friend texted me the other day asking whether I would like to watch him “struggle through a morning run.” It sounds cheesy, but I was honored that he asked me to accompany him. Running is a journey as is coming to love it, and I’m so happy I got to be there for what will hopefully become the beginning of his. He led the way and we ran almost two miles before he decided it was time to stop.

I was and still am very proud of him. I’m proud of anyone who decides to run. It makes me so happy to see people running and doing good things for their health. I also get proud of my running friends’ accomplishments. No lie, I will brag about them. I distinctly remember telling my mom about a friend’s new 5K PR just because I was so happy for him since I knew he had been working hard at it all year.

I’ve been taking better care of myself lately, too. This past summer I was eating healthy and running a lot, but once school started I fell back into some old eating habits and gained about five pounds. Doesn’t sound like a lot, I know, but I could feel it in my running and see it ’round my middle. Anyway, since moving out of the dorms for good I have been MUCH better about how I eat and I haven’t even WANTED to eat anything unhealthy. Cookies don’t even tempt me anymore.

I feel so much better, healthier, and stronger (I’ve been doing more weight training, too). The extra weight has already come off again (I was not overweight by any means, but you know what I mean…) which has dramatically improved how I see myself.

Being healthy is seriously worth it on so many levels. You should try it. I’m here for support! And I post a lot in the #healthyeating tag on Instagram.

I’m not kidding about the support, either. If you want or need it, I’ve got your back. Twitter, email, whatever.

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